Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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