I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Panties = found
Randomize
