At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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