Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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