I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
