At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
