It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
