What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
where are my eyebrows?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
