so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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