That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
