My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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