So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
