WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
