8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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