We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
