Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
