dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
