why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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