where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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