You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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