Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
