Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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