Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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