Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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