This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
