We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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