I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
