My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
