Nicole vs. Life
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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