My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
