Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
