I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
