i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
