if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
