We named our party play list daddy issues
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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