Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
