I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
