i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
