She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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