So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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