hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
