Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
