Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
