Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
