ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
