My cat gives me a boner
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
