Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
