We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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