Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
