I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
