Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
