WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Farmville is her only friend.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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