I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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